When Your Heart Has Expired
by Rose DiVerona
Summary: Mark totally doesn't mind being dead. But with only Angel and April to talk to, Heaven's kind of a drag. At least until the others start showing up. Reunions ensue, and one thing becomes obvious - Mark still isn't getting any.


A/N: I don't really know where this came from. I guess it's technically a death-fic. But it's more humor than angst. No offense intended.

(From Mark's POV.)

Disclaimer: I do not own RENT.

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><p><strong>When Your Heart Has Expired<strong>

I was only twenty-six when I died.

It wasn't supposed to happen. I was meant to live longer than the others.

My plans did not include a freak elevator crash that sent me plummeting nineteen stories to my death.

I was not expecting to be sent up to a Heaven I wasn't sure I believed in, only to be greeted by an old friend in drag.

Angel was excited to see me. I mean, I could tell she felt bad about it because seeing me again meant I was dead, but she explained that Heaven was very boring when you didn't have many people to talk to.

I could see what she meant. It was white. Everywhere. White and boring with nothing to see, nothing to do, and nowhere to be. We didn't even get wings.

I asked Angel if she had seen anyone else she knew, and she mentioned coming upon her grandmother one day. I'd always pictured Angel as someone who loved and was close to her grandma, but apparently not. They never got along well on Earth and things weren't looking much better up here.

April showed up soon after I arrived, but she no more than twitched her nose before settling into a bout of the silent treatment, presumably because I let Roger get a new girlfriend. Well, was I really expected to watch my best friend mope around for the rest of his life? I guess so.

Well, guess what, April? I liked Mimi better. So _there_.

To my surprise, Angel didn't seem to like April much, either. Angel always got along pretty well with everyone, but she and April were clearly never going to be good friends.

Angel was right, though. Heaven was pretty boring, even with Angel to talk to and April to annoy. I couldn't even haunt anyone—apparently that was against the rules or something. Of course Angel would know; she'd already tried a couple times.

Time passes differently in Heaven than on Earth, but it wasn't too long before Collins arrived. One minute there was no one there and the next there he was, grinning with his beanie perched on his head and a joint clutched in his fist.

He and Angel went straight for each other as April and I watched, fascinated. Hell, there was nothing else to do.

Mostly I was glad they were reunited, and also secretly glad it hadn't been Mimi next, because I did not know how I would keep her and April from each other's throats.

When he and Angel had finished their greeting, Collins came over to me and cuffed me on the back of the head before pulling me into a tight hug.

"What was that for?" I asked when he let go.

"For leaving Roger completely distraught," he said gruffly. "And me to deal with him."

"How is he? And Mimi?"

"They're okay," Collins said thoughtfully, "but I don't think we'll have to wait long for them to join us."

"Collins," April interrupted us, smiling at our friend.

He hugged her, too, but I could see the same look in his eyes I was sure had to be in mine: how could you do that to Roger? _Bitch._

**:**

Collins was right about Roger and Mimi. They arrived, together, before Collins' presence had really sunk in.

Angel folded Mimi into her arms and Roger affectionately ruffled my hair, looking delighted to be there.

"You're an ass-hole, Mark, you know?" he said, grinning as I swatted his hand away.

"I didn't _ask _to die," I said pointedly.

He ignored me, slapping Collins on the back and allowing Angel to give him a hug. Then his eyes fell on April, who was hanging back from the rest of us. His eyes widened.

"April."

Everyone fell silent and turned to watch as she stepped forward. Their eyes locked. Then she suddenly darted forward and kissed him full on the mouth.

"I'm sorry, Roger," she whispered, and then she disappeared. Just evaporated into thin air.

"What the—" Roger murmured, turning to the rest of us. "What was _that _about?"

Mimi wrapped her arms around him possessively and snuggled into his chest. He returned the embrace but kept gaping at us. Angel and I shrugged but Collins, ever the philosopher, sighed.

"Isn't it obvious? She had to hang around here until Roger showed up so she could resolve her unfinished business with him."

"Like…a ghost?" Mimi asked, wrinkling her nose.

"Sort of like that. She had to tell Roger she was sorry, but now she's gone."

"Where'd she go?" I asked.

"Somewhere that's happier for her, I hope. She could never be content here, while Roger loves someone else."

We all nodded, as if we were in a Hallmark movie and cheesy lines like that were common fare. Then Mimi kicked Collins in the balls to knock the sense back into him.

_Never_ mess with the feline of Avenue B.

**:**

Joanne was next, but we didn't have to wait nearly as long as we thought we would.

Unlike the rest of us, she didn't look at all happy to be there. She took one look at her ragtag welcoming committee and collapsed, curling into a ball and crying.

"Tell me I'm not dead!" she pleaded.

It was Angel, kind and comforting Angel, who went to her, pulling her into a hug.

"It's okay, honey," she cooed.

"No, it isn't!" Joanne sobbed. "I left Maureen all alone! I was in a hurry…and they _always _tell you to look both ways before you cross the street! And I didn't!"

For some reason, Angel led her over to where I was standing. One dirty look later, I found myself with my arm wrapped awkwardly around my ex-girlfriend's girlfriend. Or was that my ex-girlfriend's ex-girlfriend, now that Joanne was dead?

"She'll be all right," I said gently. "Maureen's strong."

Joanne looked at me through red-rimmed eyes before suddenly flinging her arms around me, squeezing tightly.

"I missed you, Mark."

I patted her on the back. "I know, I know…"

She had never liked me _before _we were dead. I thought her sudden affection must have to do with the obvious lack of big-breasted lesbians in this corner of paradise.

**:**

It was a weird dynamic, but for quite some time Joanne and I were "buddies." Collins had Angel and Roger had Mimi. Joanne and I had each other. It was always unspoken between us, how much we missed Maureen, how much we were really just waiting for her to join the rest of us.

And then, finally, she appeared.

"I just couldn't do it without you!" She began to cry, allowing Joanne to embrace her and pepper her cheek with kisses. "I got sick, and they said I'd be okay, but I didn't even care anymore!"

"You're here now. You're with us. Everything's okay," Joanne cooed.

Maureen smiled. She leaned toward Joanne.

And they started making out.

I sighed.

It looked like my situation in Heaven was going to suck as much as it had on Earth.

Maybe I could hunt down April…


End file.
